Healing made me meaner
(and I'm not sorry about it)
They said healing would make me softer.
That I’d attract better energy. Speak more gently. Pause before reacting. Glow from the inside out.
What they didn’t say was that healing might also make me… meaner.
Not unkind. Not spiteful. Not cold.
Just… boundary mean.
The kind of mean that’s not actually mean at all, just unfamiliar to people who benefitted from the version of me who over-gave, over-functioned, and over-accommodated.
Healing taught me how to stop performing. How to say no without a three-paragraph explanation. How to stop shrinking myself in conversations where I used to make other people feel big. Somewhere in that process, the girl who once apologized for everything… stopped.
And silence, when people are used to your overexplaining, feels like a threat.
Let me be clear: I’m still kind. Still soft. Still the one crying over dog reunion videos and calling my grandparents just to hear their voices.
But I no longer abandon myself to prove it.
If that makes me harder to reach, I get it.
If that makes folks whisper I’ve changed, good. I have.
The version of me who said yes out of obligation? She’s resting.
The one who excused microaggressions in the name of “being professional”? She’s gone.
The one who dropped everything to be everything? She’s no longer on call.
Growth didn’t just soften me. It strengthened me.
It’s lonely sometimes. You’ll lose people when your peace starts coming before their comfort. When your honesty interrupts their entitlement. When you stop overexplaining, overextending, and overcompensating for what they never gave in return.
But I’d rather be misunderstood in my truth than loved in my self-abandonment.
Healing made me a little meaner.
More direct.
Less available.
Way more at home in my body and my voice.
And I’m not sorry about it.
With Love,
Shaunté
If you’re navigating your own version of this shift, toward boundaries, toward self-trust, toward a quieter kind of faith, Spiritual-ish might speak to you. It’s a short read with real reminders, no fluff. Grab it on Amazon.